Life is quite hard, you know?
You know, I'm not going to
sugarcoat it.
It gets challenging at times.
When you're in nature, you’re present.
You know, there's a detachment from, I guess the worries.
It's like healing.
You know, there's some healing properties
within just being in the environment.
Yeah born and bred here in Whakatāne.
What do I do?
I wear many hats.
But I suppose the thing
that I'm most proud of is just being a papa and being a husband.
I create content that is in the space of creating value for other people
in the space of growth, personal development, health, relationships.
Very humbling upbringing.
I was quite a soft, soft kid, where I would cry a lot.
Just be very fearful around certain things, and
then I just went to high school, then started to get into liking girls,
getting into relationships, and then one relationship in particular
just really took me down this journey of feeling heartbreak.
I ran. And, I ran to Australia, got into drinking.
I was always into drinking, to be honest.
Doing drugs.
Wasn't clever with
money, going in and out of jobs.
And then I got into another relationship.
And then in that relationship, the same things happened.
And then that's when I really started to consider.
Man. Why is my happiness in the hands of someone else?
When you’re hurting,
you're wanting to blame someone.
You're wanting to justify why you're feeling this way.
And because you don't have the capacity
to look at yourself, you're looking elsewhere.
And so for me, I started to look at all of the things
that I had done wrong, and that was so healing.
That's when I really made the clear decision of
I want to grow, and I want to be better.
What we are going through, we perceive it to be
the most hardest thing that anyone could go through.
And we don't want to burden people.
We don't want to put ourselves in a position
we were getting judged again, or feeling shame right?
And so we hide.
People always talk about if you just spoke up, if you just talk.
But sometimes that is such a big step for people.
Because how can you talk when you don't know the language?
And so if you can listen to a podcast, or if you can be environments
and just be observant and listen to the language that people are using
it starts to help with your emotional literacy, it helps with your vocabulary.
So when it comes to a time you can now articulate yourself.
And you don't always have to be right, that’s part of the vulnerability.
It is hard, but people always forget that you must be courageous in order
to be vulnerable.
Mindfulness is a thought process, right?
But when that thought process expands, you're
now using more capacity of your mind.
You're using more capacity of your brain, rather than being just small minded.
Right?
And so to go to mindfulness,
it’s the expansion of your awareness of your thought process.
This helps me to respond rather than react, right?
It helps me be more considerate.
It helps me be more compassionate. Right?
So it gives access to a different way
to handle scenarios that, you know, could be quite challenging.
I have many moments where I'm just completely in fulfillment,
in love and, like, joy, and then there’s other moments
where I'm in complete despair and I'm just challenged
and I just don't know what I'm doing with my life.
But then those become the platform
to boom, do the work, get into it again.
Why am I feeling like this? Oh, it’s
because I'm comparing myself.
Why am I doing this? Oh, it’s
because it's an old pattern that I'm trying to outgrow.
Oh, why did I behave that way towards the person that I love the most?
Oh, it's because I wasn't feeling so good about myself,
so I took it out on her.
If you aren't willing to change,
you're going to get the same outcome time and time and time again.
It's honoring the part of you that is kind, right?
That is open to receiving feedback.
That part of you who doesn't always have to make the decisions,
that part of you that is a good listener.
I like this version of myself that people are okay to approach.
I like this version of myself that now has language
to emotions.
What I know for sure is that there are men out there putting in the work.
There are men out there who are already changing,
being better men for themselves, for their families, right?
They just need a window.
They just need a window of courage just to step into.
And I know they will, right?
Because, yeah, we can't keep living
in this space of trauma and challenge.
You’ve got to think that you're stuck,
but you can see where you want to be.
But sometimes we put that stick out way too far,
that actually discourages us.
And so what we must do is we must have that insight,
but then look at what are some small steps that can help me build momentum.
Just know that this feeling shall pass.
And it's also a cue to think about how far you have come.
Breathe. Right?
Breathe through your nose.
Get used to breathing into your diaphragm, and then breathing out of your mouth.
Then if you can do it, exercise.
They call it the ‘four, four, four’ Where you breathe in for four,
where you hold for four seconds,
and then you breathe out for four. And you do that four times.
And that's a way to bring you into this present moment.
I love the life that I have created for myself, and it has come
just through making a series of decisions, but it's come through reflection.
What are the areas that I need to work on? And what am I prepared to do?
So, yeah, it's challenging.
But, I wouldn’t have it any other way.