A man speaks:

Men don't have emotions... yeah right! Very early on as a man we learn not to express the strong basic emotions of fear, sadness, hurt, or distress. We have often experienced being put down or ridiculed when we did. This means that we often have a restricted language around being able to firstly identify and secondly express, our emotions. We are not alone. How many times have you been told... don't be a girl... don't be soft... or something similar, if you acted in a non-male or showed any of your gentler emotions? Have these ideas robbed you of your ability to fully grieve over the sad times in your life? Like the death of a close friend or family member... or a relationship break-up, or the loss of a job.

The rule that says men don't have emotions, combined with the strong urge to feel ok, invites us as men to move into a mode of self-righteous anger. This might make you feel good in the short term, but has disastrous impact on those around you. Very soon you are back in your old feelings and the pattern starts again.

So how do you change the pattern, given that it's so much a part of who you are? The answer is both simple and hard. Simple because it requires that you become bilingual in your expression. Becoming bilingual means reclaiming the language of emotional expression in addition to the language you now speak.

I believe nearly all men know the language of emotional expression and are aware of most emotions, but being taught powerful messages about not expressing these... means we need practice. Your challenge is to reflect upon 3 questions. How does this old operating system impact on you being able to express emotions in your relationship? How would you like to be able to express emotions within your relationship? What is one or two things you could start doing today that would allow you to be more emotionally expressive within your relationships?